


Red

by A_Fool_in_Love



Category: Inu x Boku Secret Service | The Dog and Me Secret Service (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, First Meetings, M/M, Previous reincarnation, Romantic Friendship, The one where Watanuki becomes a doctor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-05
Updated: 2016-09-03
Packaged: 2018-07-29 11:27:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 14,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7682701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_Fool_in_Love/pseuds/A_Fool_in_Love
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zange has seen Banri younger and older, in different times and settings. His sight lets him see glimpses of so many futures and just once, he wishes that he could live to see Banri grow old in person. Banri wishes so too. From their "first" meeting onward.</p><p>I wanted to read a story about the life where Watanuki decided to become a doctor to cure Zange, but I couldn't find one. I decided to write one to fill the gap! Character exploration and basically one giant sickfic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It was a story that had lasted a long, long time.

It would continue to stretch on into the future, repeating itself in infinite variations until the future tangled into the past and Zange grew dizzy trying to discern what had happened lifetimes ago and what was yet to come.

But he was always Zange; and he was always Banri.

They met again on a summer day. Banri was wearing red from head to toe, standing behind his mother and looking with caution at the other partygoers. Zange was sitting down under the shade of an oak tree, drinking a glass of juice and avoiding the crowd when he spotted the smaller boy. Memories came to him on an indrawn breath and he froze. Banri boldly declaring that he would be the strongest swordsman in Japan. Banri in uniform, his blonde hair cropped shorter than he was used to. Banri's frustrated tears. Banri proudly holding his newborn son. He had known Banri younger and older, knew him in different times and settings. He _saw_ too, a thousand more things.

A drop of condensation slid down the glass and pooled around Zange's fingers. He shut his eyes and focused on the cold. He was sweating, but the summer sky felt far away.

Smiling, Zange stood and skipped over to Banri, jumping the last step so that he landed in front of the boy, leaning down just a bit so that they were eye-to-eye. Banri drew back instinctively, his eyes round. Zange's smile widened.

"Oh ho ho! What's this? Are you cosplaying as a tomato? Strawberry? Ah! Your face turns red too. Amazing!"

The shy Banri was spurred to speak by the taunting. "Shut up! I'm a superhero! Don't you dare make fun of me, or I'll turn you into dust!"

"You'll have to catch me first!" Zange laughed and ran a few steps away before spinning like a dancer and posing, "Speed is my superpower!" He flicked an ice cube from his drink at Banri before abandoning the drink on a table and running off towards the trees.

Only seconds later, Zange heard the rapid thud of footsteps pursuing him and he giggled mischievously as he led the way beneath a white clothed table and around the small fish pond.

The chase ended by the river. Zange had longer legs than Banri, but he tired easily and it was inevitable that his more energetic companion would close the gap between them. He did so with a triumphant cry, barreling into Zange in a hybrid between a collision and a tackle that knocked the two of them to the ground.

"I got you!" Crowed Banri, grinning as he sat back on his haunches and effectively pinned Zange's legs.

Zange twisted around, laughing, so that he could see his attacker. He brought a hand to his lips and mock-gasped. "Oh, tomato-man! Such a compromising position. What will you do with me now?"

Though not younger by much, Banri was still a child and missed the joke. "Don't call me tomato-man! My name is Watanuki Banri, destroyer of evil! I caught you, so now you have to say you're sorry!"

"I'm sorry, tomato-man!" Zange simpered.

"Don't call me that!" Banri scowled, but was apparently satisfied with the apology because he moved himself to sit on the grass. "You _are_ pretty fast," he said, considerately. "Is speed really your power?"

"It's a s-e-c-r-e-t!" Zange winked, sitting up. He shook a few leaves from his red hair, then leaned closer. "I know all sorts of secrets about you, too, Watanuki-kun."

"Huh?"

Zange pulled a stack of cards from his pocket with a flourish. "Pick a card!"

Banri blinked at the fan of cards and took one at random.

"Three of hearts," said Zange with confidence.

"Huh? No way!" Banri gasped.

"Amazing, aren't I?"

"That _was_ cool," the younger boy admitted. "Want to be a superhero with me? You could see through illusions and save the day when we get trapped by a magician or a fox. Or you could use magic to distract the bad guys."

"What's your power, Watanuki-kun?"

A blush. "I'm not telling."

"Eehh? No fair. I'm the mysterious one. Tell me! Tell me!"

"You're normal, so I can't tell you. Even if you can do magic tricks, you wouldn't believe me and even if I showed you, you'd just laugh at me." Banri frowned.

"Do I seem like such a bad guy? You've hurt my feelings. I'm an atavist too, you know."

"You are? Wait. How did you know about me?"

"Our families move in small social circles," Zange shrugged. "It wouldn't be impossible for me to guess. How-ev-er... I never guess. I'm a hyakume."

"Cool..."

"There you are, my slave!" A thunderous voice sounded loudly, cutting through the relative quiet of the riverbank. Kagerou had appeared, dressed sharply in a suit but wearing a cape that his mother had probably been unable to talk him out of. He laughed and pulled Zange up by the wrist.

Zange played along, "Oh, no! I've been captured~!"

A small tanuki stood and hopped up and down furiously. "Hey! You let him go!"

Kagerou leaned over to look at Banri with curiosity. "Oh? Bold words, but small and pleasingly adorable! Definitely M! Very good, very good!"

"He's my saviour~!" Zange explained happily. "Tomato-man, this is Shoukiin Kagerou! Kage-tan, I present Watanuki Banri."

"As an S, I am pleased welcome another M into my harem of bitches! Pleasure to meet you."

"You can change back now, Watanuki-kun."

With effort, he did. The boy eyed Kagerou with suspicion, but seemed to have been put mostly at ease by Zange's apparent comfort with the strange boy. "But I don't know your name yet."

"Ah! Me? My name is Natsume Zange, and you can call me Zange or Za-tan or sweetheart! I'm a Virgo, type B, and my favourite food is anything sweet. Hobbies? Hmm... I like to do lots of different things, but I spend lots of my time playing with Kage-tan! My house is just over there, so I can visit any time! My favourite colour? I love them all equally, it's so hard to choose!"

Banri looked overwhelmed, but after a moment to catch up, he nodded. "Zange, then... Okay! Do you want to be my friend?"

"Of course!"

"Ignored... How very S!"

"Um... You too... But only if you're not a villain! I'm a superhero and heroes can't be friends with the bad guys."

"Very well! For a villainous S is nothing more than a criminal! There is no such thing as an S without love and justice!"

Zange smiled. Another life time with his friends.


	2. Noise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't help adding one more chapter, despite the lack of progress on other things. I'm sorry!

They stopped playing hide-and-seek after Zange cheated all day and ended up exhausting himself. The usual group was gathered around where the red-haired boy had fallen. He was sitting up now, smiling to reassure everyone that everything was fine.

"That's what you get for cheating!" Banri said, glaring from beneath his headband but looking worried all the same.

Zange stuck his tongue out. "That's half the fun, you know?"

"A very S sentiment, but clearly M in reality. I must agree with the rodent. What say you, my bitch?" Kagerou turned to look at Soushi who was watching the scene with his usual passive expression. He had come to stay with Kagerou's family the year before and he took the other boy's eccentricities in stride. Zange was keeping an eye on him, aware of the emptiness that sat behind his calm facade.

"It's in my nature to agree with Natsume-san, but your assessment is accurate in this context, master."

Kagerou laughed. "Of course it is! I am always right."

Zange pouted. "How mean! You're ganging up on me. Hey, hey! I know. Why don't we go explore the woods again? I can find where there are wild berries growing."

"Rejected! I'm afraid that I will have to insist that you return home. You are being banished!"

"But, Kage-tan! Home is boring. They talk about nothing but business, business, business. It's boring! You're so much more entertaining."

"Your begging pleases me, but my resolve is firm. Go home, my footstool, and return tomorrow in perfect health!"

Sighing, Zange got to his feet.

Home really was boring. He walked through a quiet hall and noticed several maids busy with their cleaning. He smiled at them, and they murmured their greetings before scurrying away, avoiding his gaze. He was too tired to care, and felt only relief when he shut himself in his room. It was sparsely furnished, but he preferred it that way. Histories of objects could come to him just as easily as those of people and it was both distracting and tiring when they intruded unbidden. He sat at the edge of his bed and finally allowed his smile to fall. It had been foolish to use his sight so recklessly. It really did serve him right.

"Young master?" A knock at the door. At his query, a maid came in with the cordless phone on a tray. "A call for you, sir."

Surprised as he rarely was, Zange accepted it. "Hello?"

"Zange?"

"Yes."

"Ah. It's, uh, me. Banri. I guess you knew that, huh?"

Zange grinned to himself. "Oh? Did you miss me already, Red?"

Flustered sputtering. "It's not that! Don't be stupid. I just. You know. I wanted to make sure that you made it home okay. Kagerou-kun said not to worry, but..."

Surprised again, Zange answered without his usual playfulness. "I made it back fine."

"Right. Good, then. I'm going to go now."

"Mm. Are you sure that you don't want to entertain me? I'm already bored. Why don't you tell me what you're wearing?"

"You just saw me! Don't be ridiculous. Just get some rest or something. You scared me before."

"Should I tell you what you're wearing then, Mr. Tighty-Whities?"

"Shut up! Good bye!" Click.

Chuckling to himself, Zange set the phone on the tray and handed it back to the maid, who bowed and left. He lay down on the bed and shut his eyes. Banri was just too cute. He wondered what he would become passionate about this time. He'd almost grown out of his superhero phase. If he decided to become a soldier again, Zange decided that he would stealthily persuade him out of it. Zange couldn't follow him to the military, and it was much more amusing to have him close at hand. Besides, he was sure that the order and rigidity wouldn't suit him this time. He could take a peak, just to see...

"That's cheating..." Zange said aloud, changing his mind. It would be more fun to discover as it happened.

Another knock sounded at the door and Zange frowned. Oh. He sighed and rose, walking to the door and sliding it open. He smiled. "Father is home early today, isn't he?"

The maid looked uncomfortable at having her purpose read. He always made them uncomfortable. "Well?" He continued to smile. "Shall we go?" They walked in silence and the longer it stretched, the more it irritated Zange. "You know?" He paused, his pleasant expression never faltering. The maid glanced at him nervously. "You're worried that he'll leave you, so you think that you should finally have sex. Don't do it. He's sleeping with a co-worker already and you won't actually be able to change him, no matter how much you want to. You should stop going after guys who remind you of your father. You'll be happier that way."

The maid ran off, and Zange continued to his father's office alone. The silence only deepened and his irritation lingered, so he supposed that his rudeness had been pointless.

When he met his father, as expected, they talked about nothing but business. It was tedious, but he knew better than to expect anything else.

The next day and the next, Zange stayed home and Banri started to worry.

"Do you think he's mad?" He asked Kagerou.

"Zange? Abandonment play would be very S, but no. It's more likely that he's simply resting. It happens from time to time. Ah! Brain freeze! You think I'll take that lying down do you, ice cream? Well take this!"

"From time to time?"

"Natsume-san's health is a bit fragile. Why don't you pay him a visit, Watanuki-san?" Soushi suggested while he offered Kagerou a tissue.

And so he did.

"Come in..." Zange opened his eyes to see Banri standing in the doorway holding a bouquet and looking awkward. A maid shut the door behind him and Banri shuffled from foot to foot. This wasn't a memory, so was it real, a dream, or the future?

Neither of them spoke for a moment, then Banri gathered himself and strode the few feet to the bed, thrusting the bouquet out before him. "You should have said you were sick, idiot..."

Zange shut his eyes and then covered them with a hand. "You should leave."

"What? Why?" Banri set the flowers down on the nightstand. "Are you mad?"

He opened his eyes again. "Mad?"

"You're really pale... It's my fault you're like this, isn't it? I wanted to play hide-and-seek. Even if it's your own fault that you cheated, I'm the one who made us play."

Zange chuckled, amused. "Red, you're too greedy, taking responsibility that isn't yours. I was fine."

"Then what happened?"

"Transforming takes a lot of energy out of me. My body some times can't handle the strain, that's all."

"Why were you transformed?"

Zange hesitated and regarded Banri for a moment, before turning his gaze up to the blankness of the ceiling. For some reason, the other boy was looking particularly determined. "My father had questions about the company. Decisions that he should make, competitors, that sort of thing."

"So you pushed yourself this far for that?" Banri's voice sounded outraged.

"The birth of an atavist into the family... Our purpose is to ensure the family's prosperity. What would be the point of me if I couldn't even do that?"

There was quiet for a moment and Zange grew curious enough to look at Banri again. His friend had a complex expression on and Zange wished that he had the energy to look into his heart and know what it meant.

"You...You don't really believe that, do you? Is that what your family has been telling you?"

"Hm?"

"That's the worst... We're supposed to be respected, not used like machines! Even if you want to be useful, how could your parents let you go so far? Don't they love you at all?"

"Banri."

"That isn't right at all!"

Zange's eyebrows drew together and he hesitated only a moment before he grabbed his friend's wrist and tugged, pulling him onto the bed. Banri toppled, sprawling across Zange's chest. Zange took advantage of the proximity and petted Banri on the head. "I'm not strong enough to see everything you're feeling right now, but whatever it is, stop it. I'm fine. You don't need to be unhappy."

"Idiot... Were you alone here all this time? Your room is so boring."

"Then entertain me, Red!"

"Hey! What are you doing? Let go!"

"Never!"

Later, after Banri had left, Zange looked at the bouquet of flowers that was seeming a bit sad without any water and smiled. The next day, when he stayed abed, Banri came to visit again, bringing with him a few books and a toy action figure, filling up the empty spaces on the shelves and chasing away the silence.


	3. Feelings

"Sou-tan!" Zange rejoiced, throwing his arms around Soushi's shoulders from behind and nuzzling his shirt. "It's been days since I've seen you!"

"Hello, Natsume-san. It has indeed been some time."

"So cold. All the girls would be jealous if they saw me holding you like this! You could hug me back, you know?"

"At last! The missing member of my harem has returned. Come! Embrace me, you filthy piss bucket!"

"Kage-tan!" Zange abandoned Soushi and lept to attach himself to Kagerou, who slapped him manfully on the back.

"Don't run around so much!" Banri scolded. "You only just recovered."

"Red! Saw you yesterday!" Zange hopped over to Banri and hugged him too. "Don't be jealous! You know I can't live without hugs from my favourite tanuki!"

"I'm serious! You're breathing hard and everything."

"I'm just excited to see you!"

"Don't be disgusting!"

Spring break was almost over, and a new school year would be beginning soon. Zange wasn't looking forward to it, personally, but Banri was surprisingly keen. Zange had been sick again and Banri had worried that he'd miss the start of term. Since the hide-and-seek fiasco two years before, Banri had taken to visiting at least once whenever Zange was bedridden.

Slowly, Zange accumulated a collection of pictures, books, rocks, toys, and other objects that Banri felt like bringing along. He'd once objected to too much clutter, but he found that he enjoyed the memories that the trinkets carried, and so they stayed. Whenever Zange looked at them, his memories were full of Banri.

"That reminds me!" Kagerou interrupted, fishing in one of his pockets. "I got you a get-well gift!" Proudly, he held out a long, black, piece of silk.

"Blindfold?" Zange took the gift, looking it over.

"Yes! Sensory deprivation is a classic companion to bondage!"

"You're so thoughtful, Kage-tan."

Kagerou took the blindfold back and efficiently secured it around Zange's head, obscuring his right eye. "There!"

"Ah, I don't think that's how it works, Kage-tan."

"It's for your sight. I admit that I don't understand fully how your power works, but you will not be using it today."

"I won't?"

"You won't. We are adventuring into the city today, and I cannot have one of my bitches becoming overwhelmed. If this does nothing to help, we can cover the other one as well and I'll lead you around on a leash! It will be most excellent."

Zange was silent for a moment and looked down at the grass, touched by the show of kindness. He took a breath and then grinned, "Promises, promises, Kage-tan! What would your fiance say?"

"Around the ball-gag, you mean?"

Zange glanced at Soushi, whose expression appeared as serene as ever. He resisted the urge to pry, since it would rather defeat the purpose of the gift that Kagerou had given him. "Where are we going? Are you sure you won't get lost without me guiding us?"

"Don't be full of yourself." Banri scoffed. "We're not that stupid.... And you don't need to use your powers to hang out with us."

A thought occurred to Zange and though he did not change his jovial expression, his mood darkened. "Oh? Does it make you uncomfortable knowing that I can see all of your secrets?"

"Huh? Idiot. We've been together all this time. How could you think that?"

It was too late for him to be reassured, and he felt the fear and pain acutely as he remembered the whispers from the staff, the fear on his mother's face, the calculating indifference of his father. Over and over again, it was the same through every incarnation in his memory. He smiled. "Has it been that way this whole time? Let's see..." He pushed up the corner of the blindfold Kagerou had given him, noting absently that it really did make it harder for him to use his sight. He settled his gaze on Soushi.

"You're beginning to be ashamed lately, aren't you? What could be the reason, I wonder? I can see it, you know? Should I tell Kage-tan what you've been thinking of? You hate what you've done. You hate the nothingness inside of you and you think that it's yourself. Oh, there it is! You didn't think that you could feel anything towards me, did you? But you're afraid and you're angry.

"Kage-tan, I can tell you what you're afraid of, too. It has nothing to do with boredom. You hate the control that people exert on your life, and you're afraid of being swallowed up by it. For an S, you're living very much like an M, but you're too kind to rebel and so you're just going to run away. What-"

The blow didn't come from Soushi as he'd been anticipating, but from Banri. Zange staggered back and stared, expecting but dreading to see the usual fear and loathing that his insights usually provoked. He suddenly regretted his outburst. He didn't want to lose their friendship, even if it was distant. He didn't want to be alone.

Banri hit him again and this time Zange saw it coming. He couldn't force himself to smile then, and he had no idea what sort of face he was making. It must have been disgusting, Zange thought.

"Stupid Zange. Just stop it! We know that you know." Banri didn't hit him again, but he did pull him into a hug that took his breath away. "You know everything about us and you like us anyway, and doesn't that mean you're a good friend? You're loud, and you're too friendly, but really you've been keeping your distance from us this whole time. You thought we would hate you, but it's you who hate you, isn't it?"

He had tears in his eyes, he realized. How awful. Useless. Ugly. He sat on the grass, dimly aware of Banri letting him go, and curled into himself, hiding his face. If he let go of his arms he thought that he might just scratch it off. 

A deeper voice spoke. Kagerou. "For an attempt at S, that was very weak. You are correct. I cannot stand the expectations or the demands, and once I graduate, I plan to travel. You could have rightly called me a coward, but instead you called me kind. If your plan was to attack, it was a failure."

"I'm sorry..." Zange said into his knees.

"You are forgiven. Am I not magnanimous?"

The soft rustle of footsteps was Soushi walking away. His sense of self was so young and so covered in self-loathing that Zange was sure he'd earned himself an enemy with his words.

Banri prodded Zange on the arm and he looked up, keenly aware of the tears in his eyes and the wrong that he'd done. Banri looked back earnestly. "Go ahead and look. Am I scared of you?"

Zange shook his head and lowered his face again. He didn't want to see. "I believe you. I'm sorry for my outburst." How could these people befriend him? Forgive him after he'd exposed their innermost thoughts? He didn't dare believe it, and yet... He scrubbed his cheeks on his sleeve and then lowered the blindfold back in place over his right eye. "What a group we are... Red. I didn't say anything about you, but you should know that you're already strong."

Banri blushed. "I'm going to keep trying... I have something I want to do."

Something to discover another time. "I suppose that I have one more apology to make." Zange stood and then hesitated. Awkwardly and with great care he said: "Thank you. I... I hadn't expected this and I'm glad. I'll be back."

He found Soushi not far away, standing near the river and looking pensive. By the time he reached him, he had managed to compose himself, but he was still apprehensive. "Sou-tan," he ventured, "I shouldn't have said that."

Soushi glared, and it was the first time Zange had seen anything but a pleasant expression on the boy's face. Soushi turned away again. "Think nothing of it, Natsume-san. I am a servant of this house, nothing more."

"Kage-tan doesn't think that way. I won't tell him that you're in love with his betrothed."

Soushi tensed but his voice remained steady. "I wouldn't dream of having such feelings, Natsume-san. It would be inappropriate to my station to think of my master's betrothed in any way other than respect."

"I know you, Miketsukami Soushi. I shouldn't have spoken, but everything that I said was true. I know your past, I know your future, I know your heart, and I know who you are, even if you don't yet. You have things that you like and things that you don't. You have wants. You're not just nothing."

"I hate you." Soushi said, looking at the water.

"I know," said Zange. "But I like you, Sou-tan. You should treasure her letters. Writing is good for you." When Soushi didn't reply, Zange stepped closer. "So is friendship. You're allowed to enjoy it, you know?"

"I am a servant here, nothing more. I know my place."

"Is that so?" Zange smiled. "Ah, well. I think that maybe I'm being a bit of a hypocrite. I apologize for my words earlier, Sou-tan. Are you coming? The others are waiting for us."

They were, patiently. When Soushi and Zange joined them, Kagerou laughed heartily. "Very S to have kept us waiting, you two. Now! Let us depart, my minions!"

Zange fell into step beside Banri and threw an arm around his shoulders, wondering at his good fortune.

"You're a nice guy, Zange." Banri said, sincerely but gruffly.

"Huh? I don't know what you mean. I just said some awful things. Are you an M like Kage-tan says?~"

"No! I just- Never mind. Let's just forget about it."

"I'll never forget anything to do with you, Red!"

"Shut up!"

"I mean it," Zange whispered, leaning close to Banri's ear. "I'll remember every. Little. Thing."

Zange had the perfect view to watch Banri's face go red. Banri sputtered and pushed Zange off of him. "That's so creepy!"

Zange laughed. He had a feeling that it would be torture one day, to remember these moments. Still, for the moment he was happy.

Despite the rocky start, the rest of the day had gone well. They had gone to an arcade, eaten lunch, seen a movie, and spent the rest of the evening wandering in and out of shops. Zange had felt a bit of apprehension about going to such crowded places, but it seemed as though Kagerou had experienced a moment of genius when gifting him with the blindfold. It was easy to assume from his upbeat demeanor, that Zange would love the sorts of environments with people, noise, and action. In truth, they set him on edge and tired him out. He often saw more than he intended to, and it was easy for him to become overwhelmed by the onslaught of information that his sight would pick up purely unintentionally. He supposed that he was lucky to be able to go out at all.

Zange picked up a small rabbit plushie and played with its ears, then found a tanuki and held it out to Banri, grinning. Banri glared, but Zange bought it anyway.

"Would you put that thing away already?" Banri grumbled.

"Nope. He's my friend. Aren't you, Rascal?" Zange hugged the plushie and then balanced it on his head while they walked.

"You named it?"

"Of course I did~! Don't listen to him, Rascal. Red is just being a party pooper! Maybe I should make you my best friend instead?"

"Hey!"

"I bet you'll never nag at me or punch me in the face."

"You deserved that!"

"I know, but it hurts! Rascal, kiss it better! Oh, you're such a charmer!"

Kagerou laughed. "Very S! I like it." He had spent a small fortune at the arcade playing whack-a-mole. The pathetic little M's had been begging for him to beat them, after all. The rest of his spending had been practical, and he'd gotten himself a few nice pens and a bag full of snacks that swung from his wrist. Surprisingly, Banri had bought almost an equal number of treats.

"Why do you have so many sweets, Red? Did your butler stop feeding you?"

Banri blushed, heightening Zange's curiosity. "No reason. I just wanted them, okay?"

"Our young friend has found himself a woman!" Kagerou announced.

"I didn't! We just live close to each other."

"Oh?" Zange asked, his attitude sobering.

Kagerou nodded approvingly, "Roromiya Karuta: an M with an S-like appetite! I've decided to make her my dog."

"You what?!" Banri demanded.

"I should buy her a collar with a leash while we're out as a symbol of our new relationship!"

"Don't you dare!"

Zange let the two banter without interjecting, falling into step beside Soushi and holding Rascal by the tail. Of course Banri would meet her eventually. It seemed to be their destiny more times than not, when they were born into the same generation. He had known that it was likely, but he had not anticipated that he would _feel_ about it.

Soushi spoke up. "Pardon me for interrupting. I believe it is time for us to meet the driver. Night is a dangerous time, and the sun will be setting soon." He was holding a single bag with a single purchase: a letter set.

Zange looked at the people they passed, absently filtering out the details that he saw until it became too much for him, then he turned his attention to the back of Kagerou's sweater. Banri bought sweets for Karuta. It was expected. It was normal. So why had that revelation hurt?

"Hey." A voice at his side startled Zange from his thoughts and he blinked at Banri. "You got quiet. Are you okay?"

Zange grinned. "Aww. You were worried! How cute! Don't worry about me, Red! Big brother Zange is just fine!"

It had been nice, Zange reflected, getting closer to Banri and to everyone. They were always friends, but this was the first time that he felt like they knew him just a little.

"You always say that," Banri grumbled.

"Jealous..." Zange realized. 

"Huh?"

Zange blinked, realizing that he'd spoken aloud. He held Rascal up and smiled, "Could it be that you're jealous of Rascal?"

"I am not! It's just a stupid toy. It's not even that accurate!"

"You're right! You've got much bigger-"

"HEY!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally started a chapter for one of the things I've been neglecting! I don't feel so bad about posting this now. Also, Zange's comment about Banri's bigger something-or-others is not just him being a pervert. Tanuki testicles are pretty famous.


	4. A Declaration

Zange saw the same doctor that he had seen in his last incarnation at the same hospital that catered to atavists. The doctor was an old man now, and Zange knew that it was awkward for him to see a patient who'd died on him once before. "I'm not technically the same, you know?" He'd said once, unprompted, when he saw the man's disquiet. Still, it wouldn't do for the doctor to get his hopes up. "I have the same fate, though. I know that I'll die young. You can't change it, so I don't know why you keep trying. Professional pride? Is my family paying you more?"

Perhaps unsurprisingly, his words hadn't given any comfort. He had been even less tactful in his youth. So, the doctor continued to dutifully take notes on his condition. Height, weight, grip strength, reflexes. Tubes of blood were sent for almost every test on the sheet at first, then after a consultation of his notes, the doctor became more conservative and sent for only the few that he'd known to change in the past. The file was very thick, both because of his frequent illnesses and because the notes from this incarnation were simply added to those of the last. It might have irritated him if he didn't retain his memories each time. The doctor was well-meaning, so Zange gave up trying to dissuade him and tolerated the advice he recieved about vitamins and exercise.

What made him dread the visits were when he was asked to transform and the doctor timed how long he could sustain the form before he felt strained. Seven minutes. He knew that he could last longer when urged on by his father, but the purpose wasn't to exhaust him.

He changed back and put his head down while the doctor took his measurements and another tube of blood. "Hungry?" The doctor asked when he'd finished, holding out a packet of cookies and a juice box. It had been a nurse's job before, but he wanted to monitor Zange's appetite.

Zange took a seat in the waiting area once he was done and sipped on his juice while he waited for the shaking to go away. It surprised him when he saw Banri, and it surprised Banri when they made eye contact. Zange waved and smiled.

"What are you doing here? Check-up?" Banri asked. It was routine for the atavists to have their physicals done outside of the school, and no-one questioned a wealthy child being seen by a private doctor. He frowned. "But you're all pale and sweaty. Are you sick again?"

"Beep! You shouldn't have changed your answer. You were right the first time! Would you like a consolation prize?" He offered Banri a cookie.

"Oh, thanks." Banri accepted. "I guess I'm next, so wait a while, okay? I won't take long!"

That was fine with Zange. "I'll be waiting!"

He leaned back in the chair and looked up at the ceiling.

Banri's appointment didn't last long. By the time they were leaving the hospital, Zange was able to at least feign energy.

"I grew two inches!" Banri announced, proudly. "I bet I'll be taller than you by the time I'm finished growing."

"Oh, do you think so? I doubt it!"

"Don't look down on me just because I'm a tanuki! Wait. Are you looking into the future right now?!"

"Maayyybbeee!"

"Stop messing with me! You're just trying to make me think that I'll be short forever."

"But it's part of your charm!" Zange leaned over to hug Banri while they walked.

"Hey, get off!" Banri protested, then staggered when he found himself supporting all of the taller boy's weight. "Huh? Zange? Hey!" He knelt clumsily, controlling Zange's fall.

He woke up a little over an hour later. A short time, but long enough to get him a saline drip and a very concerned Banri at his bedside. He groaned and covered his eyes. The room was spinning.

"Zange?"

"Red." Zange lowered his hand and looked at the other boy. "What ha- Oh. My apologies."

"I'm not mad; I'm worried! You said you weren't sick." His voice sounded almost betrayed.

"It's nothing to worry about. I'm fine."

"You clearly aren't."

Zange smiled and tried to lighten the mood. "Banri, you're so cute when you're mad."

"I told you, I'm not mad at you, I just-. It scares me. When you pass out like that. You usually wake up right away, and when you didn't I got worried."

Zange supposed that it would be scary, if one was afraid of death and only remembered one life. He tried to imagine having only this and failed. "You don't need to be afraid, you know? Atavists like us, we're reincarnated again and again. Death is just a little like sleep." Except that when he woke, his friends had never known him and he had to learn to navigate a new and slightly different world.

Banri looked distressed for some reason. "Why are you talking about death all of a sudden? You said that you were fine."

Oh. Realizing his misstep, Zange paused, taking a moment to think of the best response. His mind was too slow, still catching up to being awake again. When his hesitation caused Banri's eyes to widen Zange smiled and laughed. "Don't be silly, Red. I'm fine. You look so concerned! It's hilarious."

Banri's ears turned red. "Don't laugh at me! You always turn everything into a joke. It's annoying!" Zange hoped that his expression didn't reflect how much that remark stung.

"I see that everything's fine in here," the doctor commented as he made his entrance. "Long time no see."

"Don't joke, doctor. Banri will get mad at you."

"Would you like him to leave while I check you over?"

Zange glanced at Banri's glare. Banri hated to be ignored. "No, it's fine."

And so Banri sat while the doctor checked his pulse, listened to his heart, and shone that horrid light into his eyes. Zange tolerated the pointless procedure.

"Your pulse is still fast, so let's allow that drip to finish before you go."

"Is that it? You're not going to do anything?"

"There's nothing else to be done," the doctor said. Zange was mildly surprised, since it was the first time the doctor had admitted his resignation. "Your friend will be back on his feet after a bit of rest. Natsume-san, try not to overexert yourself."

After he had left, there was silence for a few moments. Zange broke it. "You see? Everything's right as rain."

Banri was frowning. "Is everything really all right? I'll believe you if you promise not to lie to me, just please don't make it into a joke."

Zange considered his options while regarding Banri. He could lie or tell some half truth. He wasn't above it. They could continue on as they had, and Zange could distance himself slowly as the years passed. Selfishly, his chest ached with the memories of lifetimes of loneliness and affection for the boy beside him. He wanted to be closer.

"Everything's all right, Banri." At his words, the boy visibly relaxed and Zange felt sorry as he continued, "You know that we atavists share many things with our ancestors: our names, our times of birth, our appearances. We share their fates too. Mine... I'll live for a few more years, don't worry, but over all I suppose you could say that I'll have a short life."

While he spoke, he watched Banri's eyebrows furrow and his lips press together. "You... You're saying that you're going to die in a few years. How long?"

"I've never lived past twenty-five so, around there give or take."

"Give or take. How can you be so accepting?" Banri demanded.

"That's the way it is. I've had a long time to accept it." Zange sat up and smiled, "Don't worry so much, Red. I'm fine for now! See?"

Rather than being reassured, Banri's fists clenched and Zange wondered if he might hit him. He watched as Banri's face contorted as though he were in pain.

"Stupid Zange! I... Want to become a doctor!"

Zange blinked, taken aback by the non sequitur. He smiled and tilted his head, "Oh? But it's not easy to become one, you know?"

"I'll definitely become one!" Banri glared at him defiantly. "I'm going to protect you, so stop acting like you've given up already!"

Zange stared. He knew that look, because he'd seen it on Banri many times before, but he couldn't be serious, could he? "Ah..." Zange looked away, pulling his knees up and raising a hand to cover his face. "You are, aren't you?"

"Hey. What's wrong?" A warm hand appeared on his shoulder.

"Nothing's wrong." Except that he couldn't seem to get enough air. "You shouldn't waste that passion on me, Red."

The mattress shifted and Zange found himself surrounded by Banri's arms around his shoulders, his nose was pressed into Banri's collar. "You're important, okay?" Banri's tone was gruff, but soothing. "I like you. I'm not going to let you die, so don't just sit there and accept it. And tell me when you're feeling sick, or I'll get mad, okay? Stop shouldering everything on your own."

The air smelled like Banri, and Zange found that he could breathe a little easier.


	5. Kagerou's gift

It was a wonder that their families retained any staff at all, Zange thought. In their group they had a kitsune and a tanuki, which was bad enough. To add to the problem, Kagerou had a mischievous streak, and Zange was the perfect look-out. Zange was actually amazed at their restraint.

It was an unnecessarily elaborate plot for a very simple reward, but that added to the fun, and Zange thought that he could make the most of it. Kagerou had kidnapped himself, leaving a ransom note in his room that morning for the cleaners to discover. Though they would know that it was him by his handwriting, they would certainly spend the day searching for the young master. The decreased staff coming in and out of the kitchens would mean that at some point, the cake would be unguarded.

"Perfect." Kagerou grinned, peering into the window. "The caterers have placed the cake in the kitchen for safe keeping as we expected. Stupidly trusting, like the masochists they are." He pushed his mask more securely onto his face, assuming a dramatic pose. "Victory is in sight, my minions! Soushi! You will transform into me and distract the staff. Banri! You will transform yourself into a maid and enter the kitchen undetected. When the coast is clear, open the window to let me in. Zange! You will infiltrate the kitchen with me and give warning so that we are not discovered and can make our escapes once the business is done. Do my livestock understand?"

"Roger~!"

"Yes, master."

"Why do I have to be a maid?"

"Because you're just so cute, Red! You could keep the uniform on and play with me later in private!"

"Don't be a creep!"

"Enough! Let us begin!"

Soushi disappeared in a puff of smoke and cherry blossoms petals, and was replaced by a very good likeness of Kagerou. Soushi smirked. "Is it to your liking... you worthless, pathetic excuse for a human being?"

"Excellent! Super S! Now go, you masochistic sex slave!"

Zange smiled. "I have a feeling that they were very candid just now."

"Huh?"

"Your turn now, little prey animal."

"I don't think this is a good idea... The staff and the caterers put a lot of work into this, and if we ruin it, won't they be upset?"

Kagerou laughed, "Spoken like a true M! Very good. However, as this is meant to be a celebration of my birth, should I not have a say in the proceedings?"

"I suppose... It wasn't fair for them not to include you in the planning. But, why do I need to be a maid?!"

"Because you'll pull it off better than Sou-tan will!"

Banri looked unconvinced.

"Do it, or I'll put you on a leash and take you to a dog park." Kagerou was very serious.

Banri gulped and transformed.

Zange clapped, "Oh, Red-chan! You're so cute!"

Banri was blushing furiously, but he did make a very adorable maid. The uniform was a perfect match, and this female form filled it out wonderfully. Zange preferred him in his normal state, but this was good too.

Kagerou gave the thumbs up. "Excellent! Now go!"

The maid dashed off, holding her skirts to keep from tripping and Zange chuckled. Now he and Kagerou would settle in to wait for Banri to open the window. He settled himself with his back against the wall and his feet tucked beneath the foliage. Kagerou mimicked his posture with a satisfied sigh. The pair sat in silence for several moments.

"Kage-tan, if anyone discovers us, shall I pretend that you've been ravishing me?"

Kagerou laughed heartily, "It would be a most shocking discovery! If it would not result in you also suffering the consequences, I would gladly participate in such a deception."

"But you aren't concerned about this?"

"Fear not. The family will know that this was my master plan, and they would not risk jeopardizing ties with your families. I will bear whatever punishment their puny M minds can devise."

"So gallant, Kage-tan."

There was silence for several more moments.

Kagerou took his turn breaking it. "Zange. Will there be a time when we atavists are no longer burdened by our families?"

"Every family is different, and I suppose it depends on the individual. What do you think?"

"I think that it's wrong. All of us longing for freedom, but stuck in our cages. Wanting to be seen as ourselves, but known only for our bloodlines. Used and hurt instead of loved. Hating ourselves because of it. This system is definitely sadistic."

Zange looked at his friend and considered what little of his expression was visible while he wore his mask. "Will you do something about it?"

Kagerou clenched his fist. "I'll break it and show it what a true S really is. One day it will beg for my mercy."

The window above swung open on well-oiled hinges and Banri looked down at them, gesturing. "Come on!"

"Let us have what fun we can in our cages, hm?" Kagerou grinned, passing a small bag to Banri and hoisting himself up through the window. He offered Zange a hand.

Once inside the kitchen, Zange took his place by the door as the look out, and Kagerou attacked the cake with tubes of frosting and little paper flags that appeared from his bag while Banri transformed back and watched the process in horror. While the two were distracted, Zange pushed his blindfold aside and transformed.

The guests had arrived and were milling about the property in orderly little groups. Zange spotted several more important members of his own family. The corridors around the kitchen were empty for now, but wouldn't be for long. Soushi was running from several of the staff members, leading them on an impressive chase. He was heading for the gardens, as expected.

He exhaled and turned back, leaning against the wall. "We have only a few minutes left!" He reminded.

Cackling, Kagerou added the finishing touches. The cake was on a wheeled trolly and was meant to be unveiled. Careful not to disturb the icing, Kagerou draped a table cloth over the supports.

They escaped out of the window again. Zange felt his knees give as he landed and he grabbed hold of Banri's shoulder for support. He grinned to show that he was fine.

They found Soushi standing in the garden, away from the main party. Zange smiled and tugged on his friends' arms to keep them back and held a finger to his lips.

Ririchiyo looked very small standing in front of Soushi's imitation of Kagerou. She was frowning as she held out a small package and an envelope, but her little arms trembled and she would not meet his eyes. "H-here..."

Soushi was staring at the girl in shock. Hesitantly and ever so slowly, he took the gift from her.

Ririchiyo's face scrunched up and then assumed a haughty expression as she turned even further away. "Hm. It's nothing special. It was simply more efficient to deliver the letter by hand since I was here anyway."

"Ririchiyo-san," Soushi nearly choked on the name. "May I?"

"You can do whatever you want. It's yours, isn't it?"

Soushi pocketed the letter and with the greatest care, opened the wrapping on the parcel. He blinked. "They're your favourites."

The girl blushed. "I had extras, that's all. I thought that... I wanted..."

Soushi crouched down so that he was at eye level to her, smiling his own smile with Kagerou's lips. "Thank you. I'm very happy. I'll treasure them for always."

"T-then." Her hands clenched into fists and then unclenched again. "Good bye!" She turned and ran.

Zange looked at Kagerou, "You don't mind, do you?"

Kagerou looked contemplative, but shook his head. "Perhaps if things had been different."

"What just happened?" Banri was confused.

"Nothing special!" Zange smiled and hugged Banri. "Change back into a maid for me!"

"Hey! No! Get off of me!"

Soushi heard the commotion and looked at his friends, wide eyed and holding the small box like a treasure. Zange thought that he looked very young. Schooling his features, Soushi approached and with an impassive expression held out the gift to Kagerou. "A present from your betrothed. She mistook me for you, disguised as I am. Please forgive me for opening it."

"Keep them. They're for you, after all." Kagerou shook his head. "The girl doesn't know me."

"Still. You are her betrothed, and she intended them for you." Soushi argued, his expression still not betraying what the words cost him.

"Soushi. You sign the letters with my name, but it is you to whom she writes. She intended them for you. Keep them. That's an order!"

The pale haired boy seemed confused, and looked down at the box of teas. "Thank you, master."

Zange smiled.

The group eventually found their way to the party. The cake had been unveiled, complete with lewd drawings and iced on insults. The little paper flags each said S or M. Somehow, Kagerou had created a whip out of licorice and stuck it on top. It was delicious.


	6. Hidden things

He threw up on the floor of his father's office. He hadn't been able to appreciate the humour of the situation at the time, but it was definitely a bright side.

He had lasted about eight minutes before he'd had to insist that he needed to stop. The sound of his panting breath was loud in his ears. He shut his eyes and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his thighs, aware of the impatient stare of his father and the scowl that he no doubt wore. He just wanted thirty seconds. The temperature of the room seemed to plunge and his skin was beset by the sensation of pins and needles. He transformed again before the tiredness could set in.

The third time he needed to rest, his father snapped. "The sooner you answer me, the sooner we will be done. Stalling will only prolong this exercise and try my patience."

Zange gritted his teeth and smiled at the floor. "You could try to run your company the old fashioned way. Are you afraid that you can't do it? Should I take a look into your heart?"

He didn't even really feel the blow that turned his head, but the sudden movement made him nauseous. His father was glaring. "Insolence. Be grateful that you're not in chains."

"Chains?" Asked Zange, breathlessly. "You'd be arrested. You're insane."

"Do your work, demon. You've been bound by this family to serve it. You've been given all manner of luxury and your laziness is inexcusable. Those luxuries can easily be removed and replaced by force if you refuse to cooperate. Do not think for a moment that we will not find some way to be rid of you if you do not prove your worth."

"I'm your son."

"You are a demon, and I refuse to fall for your tricks. Change!"

Zange did, at the precise moment that he was struck again. He toppled from the chair to the floor, gasping. Dimly, he was aware of shouting and of something that stole his breath from his lungs. It was all very far away, though, because he could see everything. His father was a pitiable creature, wasn't he? He could even see himself, half curled on the ground, shaking and getting the partially digested remains of his dinner all over the floor.

And then he could see nothing and he was back in his own wretched body again, tasting the acid in his mouth and unable to breathe around the pain in his chest. He wondered if he'd die early this life time. Certainly, he would be missing school. Banri would be disappointed either way.

He was surprised to wake up in a hospital bed. Apparently he'd woken up briefly a handful of times before, he would learn later, but he had no recollection of that. He was alive, the air from the nasal cannula smelled funny, and nothing was acutely painful, he inventoried. The tiredness and weakness were worse than ever, he noticed as he tried to move his right arm. It felt leaden and heavy. He thought that he should, perhaps, call a nurse and alert them that he was awake. It was too much effort, so he didn't. When he turned his head, he could see that there was a bouquet on the bedside table. Beside the vase sat a pair of handcuffs, a childishly drawn get-well card, and a stack of what was probably homework.

They did discover that he was conscious, eventually. His doctor was alerted, and the grey-haired man arrived to examine him and order tests. Shock, he said. Cardiac arrest. Possible organ damage. Four days since he'd been admitted. The doctor didn't ask about the bruises on his cheek or his ribs and Zange volunteered no information. The old man looked tired.

He was cognitively fine, and he was glad not to have brain damage. His heart, lungs, and kidneys, had suffered, but atavists were much better at healing than normal humans. Kagerou visited. Soushi did too, though whether it was because he'd been dragged along by Kagerou or because he'd wanted to, Zange didn't know and lacked the energy to find out. A benefit of being so tired was that his sight no longer picked up stray knowledge without him trying. He could barely keep his eyes open during their visits though, and it couldn't have been much fun for his friends.

A week and a half later, walking across the room no longer tired him out. Unfortunately, he also had enough energy to be fantastically bored. He grinned when his door opened, breaking the monotony. "Kage-tan! Sou-tan! You came!" He sat up and blew a kiss to Kagerou. "Welcome home, dear! Did you have a good day?"

"Most excellent, my darling wife! My underlings were deliciously obedient! I hardly had to beat them at all!"

"And you, Sou-tan? Did you have a good day at school?" Zange patted Soushi on the head.

"It was fine, thank you."

Dropping the charade, Kagerou settled into a chair and rummaged in his bag. "We brought your homework. You're welcome to borrow my notes as well."

"Ah, Sou-tan, could I borrow yours instead?"

"Certainly."

"Very S, you two. Very good, very good!"

Zange smiled, "No Red today either?"

"Alas, he elected not to come when we inquired. Shall I hog-tie him and drag him here?"

"No, thank you, Kage-tan."

Kagerou straightened his glasses, which had taken the place of his mask that day. "I wouldn't take it to heart. Banri has been very worried about you. It probably would have been hard for him to come."

"It's alright. After all, I have you two to entertain me, right? Shall we play a game?"

He told himself that he wasn't lonely; he was just bored.

Zange was released on a Sunday and was collected by one of the drivers. Rather than go home, he directed the driver to go to Banri's house. The butler admitted him and announced him to the young master while Zange waited in the hall. There was an exclamation from within and then Banri appeared in the doorway.

"Zange!"

Zange smiled brightly and waved. "Yo, Red! Long time no see!"

Banri frowned and looked away. "Come in... Uncle Butler, will you please bring some snacks?"

Banri's room was tidy, but filled with the clutter of a childhood of being spoiled. Some superhero action figures still remained, neatly arranged on a shelf. Banri himself stood awkwardly and it made Zange feel awkward too, and strangely anxious. He waited for Banri to break the silence, taking in the dark shadows under the boy's eyes and the school books strewn across the desk. A late night studying?

"I'm... I'm sorry." Banri said. "I should have come to see you, but..."

"It's okay if you were busy," Zange interrupted, kindly. He was surprised to feel a bit disappointed. Had Kagerou been trying to spare his feelings? Stupid of him to have believed him. Stupid of him to have wanted Banri's concern at all. He smiled. "It was boring there anyway, you wouldn't have had any fun."

"You're wrong!" Banri looked up, glaring. There were tears in his eyes. "Stupid Zange. You nearly died and I... I was scared. I'm sorry."

Oh. Zange's eyes widened, then narrowed in sadness. He closed the distance between them, then pulled Banri into a hug. "I misunderstood for a moment. I'm sorry. I'm fine."

Rather than pull away in embarrassment, Banri held onto Zange as though he could tether him to the world by force. "If you had died, I would never have seen you again. I was really worried, I just didn't want it to be real. I kept telling myself you would be fine, but what if you weren't? I'm sorry. I'm really sorry."

Zange rubbed Banri's back while he cried and pressed his lips to his hair in a not-quite kiss. "It's okay. I forgive you, but I was never mad. Go ahead and cry for now, but please don't be too sad over me."

It took some minutes for Banri to calm down, and Zange enjoyed the warmth of the other boy, though he hated that he was upset. Banri was just a bit shorter, and Zange thought that it was a comfortable difference, since it allowed Banri's head to rest comfortably on his shoulder. His hair smelled nice.

There was a knock and the two stepped apart. Banri scrubbed at his eyes with a fist. "Come in!"

Zange wondered what the butler must think of the situation. He was very protective of Banri, after all, and he hoped that he wouldn't find himself being cursed or poisoned for making the young master cry. He left without comment, though, leaving a tray that was laden with snacks and juice on the table.

"You're probably tired," Banri commented, not inaccurately. "Sit down. I'm sorry I made you stand so long."

"I'm fine," Zange said, sitting down. "Are you?"

"Yeah, sorry... That wasn't very cool."

"You don't need to be sorry. Remember, I know almost everything about you. Things like acting cool don't really matter with me."

"I guess. Do you want cake? It's really good."

"Thank you."

There was quiet for a few moments while the two gathered their thoughts and looked at the cake. Neither of them ate any. Banri set his fork down, giving up the pretence. "Will you tell me what happened?"

"What do you already know?"

"Kagerou said that you'd collapsed at home. He didn't find out until you didn't come to school and he got asked to bring your homework. The staff said you'd been taken to the hospital, so they went there. Then Miketsukami-kun disguised himself and asked around, and found out that your heart stopped for a while and no one was sure if you'd wake up. They called me from there, but I was still at practice, so then I got the message from my butler when I came home. I was going to go see you then, but he said I wouldn't be allowed and it was late. After that, I was too afraid. I found out from Kagerou when you woke up and when you started looking better. I just still couldn't bring myself to go..."

"Hey, hey. You said sorry already, remember?" Zange reached across the table to poke Banri on the head and smiled. "I get out of gym class, and I bet my absence these last few weeks will make me even more of a mysterious figure! Will I get lots of chocolates on Valentine's day, do you think?"

"You can't just brush it off so easily."

"Don't worry, the only ones I want are from you!"

"Stop it. I was really worried. I still am, and it isn't fair for you to keep me in the dark. Hiding things from me, distracting me by trying to make me laugh... Do you think I'm a kid?" Banri was unexpectedly upset, glaring down at the table furiously. "Everyone. Everyone treats me like a kid and I'm sick of it. I'm tiny when I transform, I get it, but I'm a highschooler. Where do all of you get off trying to protect me?! I'm almost an adult!"

Zange's smile slipped from his face and he regarded Banri seriously. "I see it. You're angry because you feel helpless, right?"

"Damn it, stop doing that!" Banri reached out and pulled Zange forward by the collar so that they met above the middle of the table and pressed their lips together savagely. Zange was stunned for a moment. It was a clumsy kiss with more passion than art. He leaned in and kissed back, parting his lips and yielding, while gently encouraging Banri to slow down. With one hand, he reached up and tugged Banri's fist from his shirt, pressing it flat against his chest instead.

Banri tasted a bit like orange juice, Zange discovered when Banri began to explore his mouth with his tongue. He also tasted uniquely of himself, and it was a taste that made him shiver and gasp. He was very glad that he hadn't died, because he wouldn't have wanted to miss this.

Banri pulled back, still frowning, but with saliva moistening his lips and his pupils dark and wide. Zange wanted to take a photograph. "Are you okay?"

Zange nodded and tightened his grip on Banri's hand. "My heart is beating."

"Oh," said Banri. He sat back, but made no move to take his hand away. "It's fast."

"Yes." Zange licked his lips. "You surprised me. I didn't know that you were going to do that."

"Neither did I... Was that okay?"

"Yes." Zange released Banri's hand and looked away. "I don't think that you're a kid. I'm sorry for making a joke of it. I didn't mean to upset you."

"It's fine... I know that's how you are."

"Do you like me anyway?" Zange smiled.

"Y-yeah... I like you."

"Come here?"

When Banri crossed to the other side of the table and sat, Zange pulled him down with an arm around his chest so that they lay next to each other on the floor. "I'm going to move away," Zange confided.

Banri frowned, "What? Why?"

Zange pulled the other boy closer. "I don't want to live at home any more. I'm going to move out. You could come too, you know?"

"But..."

"We could go to Ayakashi hall. It's safe for atavists. I'll work as your SS, since my family will probably refuse to pay."

"You don't fight. I'm the one who knows martial arts. Besides, isn't this kind of sudden?"

Zange shook his head and looked away, "It isn't safe for me stay home."

Banri's expression darkened as he took in the implications of Zange's statement. "Your father?"

"Don't hate him, Banri. I saw it while I was laying there. I didn't mean to, but he touched me. He was so happy when my mother was pregnant. He wanted a son, and he had all sorts of plans. Then I was born. A red-haired demon was nothing like the black-haired, little baby boy that he had dreamed of. He thinks I've stolen away the life that should have gone to that imaginary boy."

"But that's you. It doesn't matter that you've got demon blood. You're still his son."

"Am I? He might be right. I was born with the memories of all of my past incarnations; I didn't forget them. Am I that man's son or am I the same person I've been during every other lifetime?"

"You're Zange. That's all. Who cares about any of the other stuff? Your parents made you and so you're his son."

Zange sighed. "Well, it's neither here nor there. I don't trust that he won't remove me from school and force me to cooperate with him if I refuse to use my sight. If I don't refuse, he'll still push me past my limit. If it's my fate to die like that, I'd rather it not be because of him."

"If it's fate, then we'll change it. I'm not going to let you die, remember?"

"You probably won't succeed, you know? I'm not trying to be mean, it's just how it always is."

"I'll protect you. I promise."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I would appreciate your feedback, since this is still being written.


	7. Adjustments

Zange hummed to himself while he hung the laundry. It was a beautiful day outside. Maison de Ayakashi had a large enough property that the noises of the city seemed distant, and he could almost imagine that there was no-one for miles. It was relaxing.

There had been no last-minute setbacks to sabotage his move away from his clan's estate. It worried him at first. Why had they agreed so readily? Unlike a zashiki warashi, he supposed that it wasn't necessary for him to be on the property for his family to prosper. He'd spoken to no-one except for a maid and the head butler during his final week at home, and it surprised him that his father hadn't followed through on his threat to lock him away. Perhaps his brush with death had scared the man. They probably thought that it was bad luck to kill an atavist.

He pushed those thoughts aside and focused on savouring the breeze and the warmth of the morning sun. So peaceful.

"Gah!" A cry came from the entrance to the balcony. Zange raised his eyebrows and looked at Banri, who stood in his pyjamas with his mouth hanging open. His face was comically red.

"Good morning, Red!" Zange beamed.

"What are you doing?!" A piece of laundry was snatched from his hand and Zange realized with amusement what it was. 

"Laundry," he answered, deadpan.

"I'll do it myself!" The blonde shouted, hiding the article of clothing behind his back.

"Ehh?" Zange tilted his head. "You know that I already know what sort of underwear you wear, right? It's not a big deal."

"Like hell it isn't!" Banri threw the crumpled briefs into the laundry basket. "What are you doing here this early anyway?"

"Laundry. I told you."

"I was asleep!"

"I know. I let myself in."

"Well, don't!"

Zange grinned and grabbed hold of Banri's arm, tugging him closer and pulling him into a hug. "Ah, but how else could I do unspeakable things to you while you sleep?"

Banri struggled half heartedly, "Stop being gross!"

"You're so cute when you're embarassed!" Zange laughed and leaned forward, pressing a kiss to Banri's cheek.

The other boy yelped and pulled free of the hug, scrambling several feet away. He glared. "Whatever! Stay in your own apartment in the mornings, stupid Zange. Your key is supposed to be for emergencies only. And leave my underwear alone! Pervert."

Zange sighed and returned to hanging the laundry, obligingly leaving Banri's briefs in the basket. Yes, it was a beautiful day.

He stepped back inside and slid the door to the balcony shut. "If you don't hurry, you won't have time for breakfast!" he called.

"I know!" Banri emerged from his bedroom, fastening the last button on his uniform. "I'm ready."

"You're so energetic this morning! Were you that happy to see me?"

"I see you every day."

Zange opened the door and held it for Banri. "I know. Do you regret it?"

The pair walked to the elevator and Banri pressed the button. The elevator pinged and the two stepped inside. Zange pressed the button for the main floor and said nothing. Banri looked at the wall, blushing. "Everyone was worried when I said that I wanted to leave. Of course I want to prove to them that I can look after myself. I'm not a child. Besides, I have more time to study now that we're living closer to the school. Ayakashi hall is a nice building too, so it's not like it's a bad place to live..."

The doors opened and the pair walked the rest of the way to the lobby. Banri sat at an unoccupied table and Zange smiled. "I'll get breakfast. I won't take long, so don't cry while I'm gone, okay?" It was a weak joke, he knew, but it was enough to hide his disappointment at the boy's answer. He turned to go, but was halted by a hand on his sleeve. Startled, he looked at Banri curiously.

"Ah..." Banri blushed and then let go again. "Nothing, never mind."

When they arrived at school, they parted ways. Banri spotted a group of his friends and ran a few steps ahead, "I'll see you later, Zange! Oh! But I have judo after classes. Don't wait, okay?"

Zange watched the other boy run off, and then walked at a leisurely pace to the shoe lockers. It wasn't that he was unhappy, but he did feel somehow dissatisfied. They had not properly kissed since the day that he was released from the hospital, and despite living in such close proximity, it felt like Banri was becoming more distant. Did he regret his decision to move to Ayakashi hall, after all? Did he regret kissing him?

Zange shut his locker and walked to class, his bag slung over one shoulder. Perhaps Banri had simply mistaken friendly concern for more serious affection. It wasn't impossible, and the boy had the tendency to throw himself into things passionately, without thinking about the consequences. Zange sighed. And Banri was too kind hearted to reject him without feeling guilt. This was a problem.

Despite Banri's request that Zange not wait for him after school, he found himself killing time in the library. It was his job as a secret service agent to escort his charge home, after all. He skimmed the shelves idly until something caught his eye. There was a series that Banri had been reading, and it looked like the newest volume was out. Zange pulled the novel from the shelf and walked to the front desk to check it out.

A few minutes before Banri's practice usually ended, Zange stood at the gates and waited, leaning against the wall. Kagerou had been nothing but supportive of his move to Ayakashi hall. "Fear not, my masochistic footstool! Though this does make harrassing you more difficult for the time being, I plan to join you after graduation. Ayakashi hall will be my home base during my travels. So! You will simply have to suffer without me until then," he had said.

And Zange did believe that they would remain good friends, but his own words came back to haunt him. How long would they stay in touch? Would they drift apart? If Banri wanted to end their fledgling relationship, would he leave too? He and Soushi had never been close, and Zange had never bothered to become acquainted with any normal humans. He saw too much of their darker thoughts and motives, and felt no need to bother to get to know them when he would simply die in a few years and be forced to miss them in his next incarnation. At least with fellow atavists, he could see their new selves. Still, if all of his friends left after graduation, it would be a lonely few years until his death.

A yellow head of hair appeared and Zange straightened up. Banri was walking from the gym with a few of his friends. Seeing Zange, the other boy's eyes widened and he waved in farewell to his friends before running over. He frowned. "Zange! What are you doing here? I told you not to wait."

"How could I leave my cute little master to walk home all alone?" Zange smiled and ruffled Banri's hair.

"Shut up!" Banri knocked Zange's hand aside and scowled. "I'm not cute or little, so stop saying that." The two began to walk side by side.

"But you are, Red!" Zange laughed. "Did you have a good day?"

Banri sighed, "Yeah, I suppose. I've got a lot of homework to do, and there's a test next week."

"Oh? Study hard, or else you'll end up like Kage-tan."

"As if I could ever end up like him."

"Somehow holding a whip doesn't suit you."

"Not really. Wait. Are you implying that I'm an M?!"

"Ehhh? Banri, don't be narrow minded. The world isn't just black and white, you know?"

"Whatever... You really didn't have to wait for me."

"I wanted to. It's my job as your SS, and besides, I would have missed you!" Zange threw an arm around Banri's shoulders.

Banri shoved him off, "Don't be gross."

"Is it gross?"

"Yes. So stop trying to hug me all the time." Banri huffed and looked away, his cheeks red.

"How mean," Zange said, pretending to wipe a tear away from his unblindfolded eye, hiding his hurt behind the dramatics. "Banri, you're so cruel."

"Shut up. Stop teasing me already, stupid Zange."

Zange sighed and continued walking.

They walked the rest of the way quietly, making a bit of small talk about class. Zange opened the door for Banri when they arrived and collected his bento box to return to the butler. For some reason, Banri's butler insisted on continuing to pack a lunch for his young master. It made his job easier, but Zange couldn't help but wonder at the man's devotion.

There was time to kill until dinner, so Zange changed out of his school uniform into his SS uniform, and let himself into Banri's room. The boy had dumped the contents of his bag onto the sofa, and was putting his books into order on his desk. Zange let him be and went to bring the laundry inside.

"Don't you ever study?" Banri asked, looking over while Zange folded the clothes.

"Not really. I'm a genius, you know?"

"Is it because you've got the memories from your other lives?"

"Who knows?"

Banri sighed and tapped his pencil against the desk, frowning at his book.

"Do you need help?" Zange offered.

"No, thanks. I'm going to try to figure it out on my own first."

"If you say so," Zange said. He carried the laundry into Banri's bedroom and busied himself swapping the sheets on the bed. He considered short-sheeting it, but decided to save that little trick for later, once Banri let his guard down.

"Oh," Zange remembered. "I got a book for you from the library today. The new volume of the series you've been following."

"Return it," Banri mumbled. "I don't have time to read it any time soon."

"Ah, okay."

Dinner came and went. The novelty of sharing a table with Banri had not yet worn off, and Zange was glad that they could spend meal times together. Some of the other residents arrived too, and Zange recognized Nobara and Renshou from a previous life. He smiled and waved, but said nothing. These incarnations hadn't gotten to know him well yet.

Banri retreated back to his room after their meal, and Zange gave him a few hours alone before coming in with a plate of cakes. "Red! Snack time!" He called.

A pen was slammed down and Banri stood from his desk, glaring. "Would you knock it off already?! I'm trying to study!"

Zange's eyes widened, then he smiled and set the plate on the counter, and left.

Yes, there was definitely a problem.

Zange shut the door to his own apartment behind him and went directly to his bedroom, throwing himself down on the covers and facing the wall. He spent far too much of his time in bed, he reflected, but did not move. Throughout his childhood, his most peaceful moments were spent staring at the wall of his bedroom. No unwanted visions intruded, and he was mostly left alone. Even when he was sick, the quiet of his bedroom was a soothing thing. A voluntary confinement. He should have been born into Soushi's family, he thought grimly.

What should he do about Banri? He was clearly making the other boy uncomfortable. Could he play it off as a joke, and pretend as though the kiss had meant nothing to him? Probably. A more serious discussion would probably make things awkward between them. Banri would not move back home, so Zange would simply do his best to establish some boundaries between them.

Yes, that would be fine, Zange thought, pressing a hand above his heartbeat. Distance would probably be for the best in the long run.


	8. Words

The next day, Zange waited downstairs in the lounge rather than let himself into Banri's apartment. The boy emerged on time, and avoided Zange's gaze while he approached the table.

"Banri! Good morning!" Zange had his usual smile affixed to his face.

"Good morning..." Banri kept his gaze on the table while he sat. 

Zange stood, "I'll go fetch breakfast. Is there anything special that you want to eat?"

"Zange, about yesterday..." Banri began.

"Ah, sorry. It was my fault for being noisy, right? I already know what you want, so I'll get it, okay?"

Zange hurried to the counter, and Banri frowned at the table top. When Zange returned with their food, Banri raised his eyebrows. "Oh. It's what I wanted. If you knew, why did you even ask?"

"Courtesy."

The walk to school was quiet, and Banri seemed to be thinking especially hard about something. Zange noticed his distraction, but resisted the urge to ask about it. Distance. It would be hard to maintain while he was the younger boy's SS, but it was possible.

As they approached the gates, Banri tugged on Zange's arm and pulled them to a halt. "Zange... I'm sorry for yelling at you yesterday. I was frustrated, and -"

"It's fine." Zange smiled and patted the other boy on the head, much to Banri's annoyance.

"Don't interrupt me! And don't pet me like I'm a dog. It's annoying. You keep doing things like the laundry and my cleaning, and you never leave me alone. I'm not a kid, you know?"

"Yes, yes." Zange said, continuing to smile. He held out a package. "Here: your lunch. Your butler dropped it off this morning."

Banri growled and snatched it. "Whatever. If you're not going to take me seriously, then I'm going to class. Bye."

The other boy stalked off, and Zange waited a few moments before following, watching the students trickle past. Annoying the other boy was just too easy. It hurt, though.

Classes were dull. Zange wasn't sure why he bothered to come. They had gym class before lunch, and as usual, he at on the benches to watch, a book in his lap. He could have gone to the library, but it seemed appropriate to at least show his face. Soushi was sitting next to him. The taller boy had bandages on his fingers, and they were playing volleyball that day. Zange looked at them and Saw a glimpse of his friend cutting the nails off until he bled. It was sad, how much he hated himself.

"Sou-tan. You did what you had to do to. You should forgive yourself."

"I don't know what you mean," Soushi said, blandly. The two watched as Kagerou laughed maniacally, spiking the ball with all his might. Gym was the one class that the boy excelled in.

"You like that, don't you, ball? I'll hit you any time you like!"

Zange smiled. "Kage-tan is having fun."

"Yes."

"Do you still hate me, Sou-tan?"

"Yes."

Zange sighed and looked out at his classmates. "No you don't. I just make you uncomfortable. You don't know what to do when someone likes you just because, and you don't like that I can see the parts of you that you hate. You don't trust that I won't use you. You could try being my friend, you know?"

Soushi remained impassive, also watching the game.

"Or not," Zange said, cheerfully. "But you could try being friends with Kage-tan, at least. He acts like that, but he cares about everyone."

"I wouldn't dream of it, Natsume-san. I know my place."

Lunch time came, and the trio carried their lunches outside rather than eat in the classroom. Kagerou laughed triumphantly. "Did you see the livestock fleeing from my might? Masochists that they are, they kept on asking for more! Oh! I spy two more of my pigs over yonder."

Banri was sitting on a bench not far off, Karuta beside him. The two appeared to be talking seriously, and Zange was surprised to feel jealousy. He froze for a moment, and then followed Kagerou over to join them. Of course Banri and Karuta would spend time together. Wasn't this what he wanted? Distance? Zange frowned to himself. No, he didn't want it at all. But it was necessary, wasn't it?

"Greetings, slaves!" Kagerou boomed.

"Gah!" Banri startled. "What are you doing here?"

"Joining my human chamberpots for lunch, of course."

"Plural?" Banri was dismayed.

"Of course! Do you not recall me deciding to make Karuta my dog?"

"Kage-sama, 'aaah'." Karuta said, holding out a strawberry for Kagerou to eat.

"P-pervert!" Banri stuttered, "She's a first-year. She's, like, five years younger than you!"

Zange sat down on the grass next to Soushi and tilted his head, "Banri, are you worried that Kage-tan is going to steal your girlfriend?"

"Idiot! She isn't my girlfriend. We're just friends!"

Zange smiled, "You make such a lovey-lovey couple, though!"

Banri's eyes widened and for a moment, Zange thought that he looked hurt, before he covered it with a scowl and looked away.

"Sou-tan! Feed me too. Aaah!"

"As you wish, Natsume-san."

Banri growled and crossed his arms, "You guys are so noisy..."

The walk home was awkward. Banri was sullen, and Zange was lost in his own thoughts, so they spent the time in silence. Zange was at a loss. When he was friendly, Banri was irritated. When he was teasing, Banri was irritated. Could he establish distance without driving the other boy away completely? Zange wasn't sure, and he wasn't sure that he could stand it if he failed.

"See you later, Red," Zange said, once they reached their floor at Ayakashi hall. He turned to go to his own room.

"See you..." Banri said, heading for his own.

Zange shut the door behind him, toed off his shoes, and dropped his bag near the door. People were complicated. He sighed. It was lonely, getting to know his friends anew each time. Every time, there were the same old walls between them. It was better than nothing, but he couldn't help but wish for more.

A knock at the door. Zange blinked and went to open it. In the doorway stood Banri, his face set in determination and breathing a bit hard. He must have run. Banri pushed past the startled Zange and walked into the room, kicking off his shoes.

"Banri?" Zange followed the other boy over to the couch.

Banri crossed his arms, "Are you mad at me?"

"Huh?"

"I said, are you mad at me?"

Zange sat and looked at the other boy, smiling softly. "No, I couldn't be mad at you. Aren't you mad at me?"

"I was," Banri said, honestly. "I still am, sort of... It annoys me when you do things for me, like cleaning up and getting our meals. I'm almost an adult, and I don't like to be treated like a child. I hate it. That's why I left home. No one ever takes me seriously. Then you started doing it too, and it pissed me off."

"Oh," Zange said, blinking. The tension in his chest eased, and only then did he realize how worried he'd been.

Banri scowled, looking away. His face was red all the way to the tips of his ears. "And I don't regret moving here with you... You're the other reason that I came, but it's embarrassing to say that in public, okay?"

"But... What about Karuta? Weren't you interested in her?"

"Of course not! We're friends... We used to live near each other, that's all. The one I like is you, idiot..."

"You keep pushing me away when I hug you," Zange pointed out.

"Because we're usually in public! It's awkward... Oh, were you worried all this time?"

"I thought that you didn't want to do those things..."

"What's up with that, anyway?" Banri glared. "You always see inside of people's hearts, you know what everyone is thinking. Why are you being so clueless now?"

"I didn't want to do that to you. It makes people uncomfortable."

"Stupid Zange." Banri stepped forward and leaned down to pull Zange's blindfold off. "Look now. I like you, okay? I'm telling the truth, so stop worrying so much."

Zange's eyes widened and then he shut them and turned away, afraid of what he would see. "I don't want to."

Then, there was a hand on his chin, turning him around, and lips pressed carefully against his. He opened his eyes again. "You're telling the truth..." Zange whispered against Banri's lips. This willful, stubborn, compassionate, and wonderful boy was looking back at him with nothing but love.

"You're an idiot," Banri said.

Zange reached forward and put his hands around Banri's waist, pulling him forward so that the other boy was forced to kneel over him on the couch. Zange leaned up and kissed him again. "I love you, Banri."

"I-" Banri blushed and pursed his lips. "You too..."

Zange laughed and hugged him. Banri was just too cute, but he refrained from saying so. After a moment, Banri pulled back a bit and pressed their lips together again. Zange tilted his head and parted his lips obligingly, shutting his eyes. He took a deep breath and leaned in. He could feel the warmth of Banri's skin through his shirt, could feel the weight of him on his lap, could taste and smell him. Every sense was full of Banri, and he thought his heart might burst.

Banri moved closer, one hand supporting his weight, and the other on Zange's shoulder. Zange could feel the boy's residual annoyance in the way his fingers gripped his shirt, pinning him, and the way his teeth scraped his lower lip. Zange accepted all of it, gently licking and kissing to show his apology. His hand slid down Banri's spine, and the other boy groaned.

The sound was just too much, Zange pulled away, his cheeks red with embarrassment. Surely Banri could feel the effect it had on him. "Sorry."

Banri was red too, and his pupils were impossibly wide. "Ah, no, it's okay. Me too..."

It was true. Zange could see the evidence of his arousal. It made him want him even more. Both boys hesitated and then leaned in again, kissing more gently this time. The friction between their lips was like fire, and Zange slid his hands up the back of Banri's shirt to feel the heat of his skin. He pulled Banri closer, and then they were pressed against each other fully. Both boys gasped. Zange took the opportunity to kiss the corner of Banri's lips, and then his jaw, and then his throat.

The blonde was breathing hard. He bit his lip. "M-maybe we should stop..."

"Do you want to?" Zange asked, seriously.

"Not really, but..."

Zange nodded, "I know what you mean."

Banri moved to sit beside Zange, and awkwardly pulled a pillow over his lap. "So, are we okay?"

Zange leaned over and kissed the boy on the cheek. "We are. I'm sorry that I offended you by taking care of the chores. I just wanted to do something, since it was my idea that we move. I know that you could do them for yourself, but it makes me happy."

"I'm sorry for yelling at you... I know you were just being considerate. You should apologize for what you said about Karuta, too, by the way." Banri frowned. "I thought that you were trying to get rid of me."

"Never. I won't ever let you go now. Not unless you ask me to."

"Well, I won't."

Zange smiled and put his arms around Banri, hugging him. "Thank you."

"No flirting with Miketsukami-kun, either..." Banri grumbled. "I get jealous."

"Does that mean that I can flirt with you, then?"

"I guess..."

Zange chuckled and released Banri. He could help but smile when he looked at him. "I love you," Zange said again.

"Idiot... Don't say it so easily."

"But it's true. I want to say it as often as I can."

For as long as he could, Zange decided, he would let Banri know that he was loved.


	9. Kiss Scene Picture

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to be busy for a little while, so here is a sketch to make up for it!

[Watanuki Banri and Natsume Zange](http://www.pixiv.net/member_illust.php?mode=medium&illust_id=58808037) by [onlyajest](http://www.pixiv.net/member.php?id=19869245) on [pixiv](http://www.pixiv.net/)


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